(Originally published 07/2020)

 

As it stands now,  we are in a tight spot.  I liken it to me being a two year old standing on the edge of a swimming pool at the local Y years ago.  My father was treading water, watching me with patience and excitement, telling me to simply “jump”.  I also remember the absolute fear that I had at the time.  The pool was huge,  I was quite aware of my relative size and consideration of these two factors was absolutely daunting.  I considered my options very carefully and after several long moments of contemplation, jumped into the pool- certain that I would drown.  What I instead found were my father’s arms enveloping me and repeating over and over again, “I got ya”. 

 

I have been speaking with a number of friends and family in these past few days who are terrified at the prospect of returning to school as teachers and/or having their children return to school.  They are grappling with crippling anxiety about this topic and it is completely understandable.  But, regardless of what has happened in the past or what will happen in the future, we find ourselves at a strange and very uncomfortable crossroads.

 

We are essentially jumping into that pool and having to inhale water deep into our lungs.  It will feel crazy at first,  even suicidal, but, ultimately we will find that we are all living underwater.  It can be peaceful in this new existence, even calming.  But, it’s going to take constructive planning, critical thinking, and proper, careful implementation for us to get this going.  It does no good to panic.

 

Teacher’s Anxiety

 

Teachers have made sacrifices. They have had to babysit, nurture, inspire, coddle, and uplift our children.  They create all of this magic and inspiration on a shoestring budget.  And now,  the country is asking them to go back to work, in the middle of a precariously volatile pandemic that could potentially expose them to severe illness and death.  Add to that, they have no protection against this thing.  It is tantamount to sending them into a darkened cave with a spray gun and telling them to fight an invisible fire-breathing dragon.  No thanks.  On top of everything that they have to do,  they are not asking to be put on the frontlines, nor, does it seem reassuring given that there is no cohesive plan for this.  But, everyone knows that teachers THRIVE, live, and breathe on- PLANS!!!  It makes no sense that you are telling people whose jobs tend to be based on structure and function to do that same thing, just blindfolded and hurtling over a 1000 foot cliff… I get it. 

 

So,  how do we go about doing this.  Well, address people’s fears- I will still keep it to the “fighting the fire breathing dragon” analogy.  For one,  give them the armor.  Teachers need PPE.  Plain and simple.  They require masks that are close to the face and- dare I say it, face shields.  If they want gloves, then give them gloves.  Some may even consider wearing scrubs so that should anything happen, they can change immediately with an extra pair available.  If it makes them happy, they can don a raincoat.   Whatever they need.  Ventilation systems with UV rays have been shown to be successful and should be utilized if possible but, masks and social distancing have also been shown to be effective and there are a number of countries who have been able to successfully open schools with modifications and masks who have succeeded thus far. In short- use all options, if possible. 

 

Should the class be too large, then find out a way to stagger the classes.  For those who are grappling with a mandate that all schools should be open five days a week- only for us lucky FL families- make school “open” 5 days a week with two or three days being mandatory in-person (but staggered) for larger classes. On the days that are “virtual” have the teachers remain in the classroom and the rest of the class there via zoom or teleconference.  If there are children who ABSOLUTELY need to be in class five days a week then have that small number of kids there five days a week…If we implement a flexible plan, then we will be more likely to weather this storm.

 

 

Parent’s Anxiety:  Parents are already grappling with their own mortality, every single day.  For the most part, they are trudging through this “new normal”, trying to make the best of it, with kids in tow.  Morning meetings in the conference room have been replaced with zoom calls at the kitchen table… with the cat walking by… and not wearing pants (optional).  To top that off, kids are past getting on parent’s nerves and there are only so many homework/crafts/play sessions that one can tolerate.  That being said, kids are the most valuable things in our lives.  There is NO way that any parent would want to send their children bounding after their teachers into that darkened cave… absolutely NO way. 

 

On top of this, there is NO PLAN.  No consistent plan anyway… and again,  even though there are some parents who drift through life- parents THRIVE on schedules.  Even if you’re a lackadaisical parent, you can’t help but slip into the scheduled routine- it is inevitable.  And now, your state/ city/locale is telling you that kids need to go back to school, they just won’t tell you how they’re going to do it.  Imagine having a neighbor invite your kids to go for an initial test flight on the homemade air plane that they just built from a mail-order kit. THAT DAY.  This is definitely comparable. 

 

So,  how do we get parents on board?  School systems need to come up with a plan.  Once they have a plan written out, they need to have parents participate in kicking the tires.  They will ask the difficult questions and need to work with school administrators so that they feel comfortable having their most valuable possessions walk back into those hallowed halls.  Furthermore,  there needs to be an open house well BEFORE school starts, showing how the school plan will work.  Whether it is by teleconference, or posted somewhere, parents need to see how this plan is going to work, how their children will be taken care of during the day.  As do teachers, everyone needs to see the plan in action and modify it, if necessary, to reduce anxiety.

 

Children’s Anxiety:  I am sure that many of you as parents have social butterflies who are waiting to get back to school to see their friends and (hopefully) learn again.  There are also children who once were kicking and screaming to stay home who are now probably bounding through the halls of your home singing and smiling.  They love being at home. 

 

Depending on your child’s age, they probably have different levels of understanding of the virus.  Most probably know that it is dangerous.  More than a few probably know that this virus can be deadly.  Now, when you tell them that they are going back to school, they ask “So the virus is gone?” 

You reply. “No. It’s actually getting worse, but…”

And they look at you and ask “…And you want me to go back to school?”

No parent in the WORLD would answer- “Uh, yeah”.

 

Ok, so it has to be about context.  It’s the same thing that I counsel parents on whenever there has been some traumatic event.  Don’t focus on the coulda, woulda, shoulda’s.  Focus on the now. Please don’t get political, don’t talk about who said what, how this is a disaster…none of that matters. We’re in it.  When watching the news, don’t talk about this being a calamity.  Always stay positive and open-minded i.e. If your child happens to see you watching the news and hears the numbers and asks you why the numbers are going up, take a deep breath and tell them that viruses are contagious.  But, that even though viruses may be scary, they are viruses.  Which means, the best way that they can be prevented from spreading is to not get them in the first place.  How do we do this?  Wash your hands,  Wear a mask, and socially distance ourselves.  Deep breath.

 

Keep drumming this in.  It sounds tedious, but, it is empowering.  This is a new normal and there are new dangers, so, make your child aware.  We teach children to wear seat belts, hold our hands when we cross the street, not to talk to strangers… this new stuff has to be added to the list.

 

For schools,  try to reduce children’s anxiety with enthusiasm. Maybe the first couple days of school should not only be an orientation for class, but a safety/team building orientation- stressing social distancing and teaching kids how to navigate in a classroom that is both teacher and student safe.  Teachers should work with administrators to set ground rules that make them feel at ease, while also being safe for students.  Having a team approach to cohort grouping is likely to be beneficial;  Children will rally around and work with their cohorts as a team if everyone is excited about it. 

 

But, you have to let them know the rules.  Everyone wears a mask.  If there is a child who doesn’t want to wear a mask, then that’s ok, everyone else will wear theirs until that child is out of their mood.  Obviously, if this is a repeat offender, then maybe different tactics have to be taken, but, positivity is key.  Children also need to be at ease in their masks…so, if necessary, start having kids get comfortable by wearing them in the house periodically.  The issue is that, if we are authoritarian and frightening with penalties for kids not maintaining the rules, it sets to disturb an already stressful and emotional time for all of us.  It is so much easier to progress in smooth waters than choppy ones.

 

Kids will also follow directions and be respectful, if you give them the chance.  I see kids day in and day out, all ages and sizes.  I won’t lie, I was initially terrified to return back to the office.  I love treating my patients and their families, but, I also like my life and value it.  Even though it is more stressful than pre-pandemic,  the kids have been great for the most part.  They come in with masks and if they slip down, I politely tell them to have the mask cover their nose and mouth.  No problem.  The younger kids may grab my face shield occasionally or run up and ask for hugs, but, I make my visit with them fun and still keep smiling through the mask.

 

  There have been a couple of patients who have thrown themselves on the ground or who refuse to comply with my directions.  In this case, I give them distance until they have calmed down and I work with the parents to try to administer care without endangering anyone. But, I keep the atmosphere light and roll with the punches.  My patients have come to know me and even though I look like something out of Star Wars sometimes, they still know who I am.  This is very much how I feel that our children will be towards their teachers.  Respectful of boundaries, especially if the ground rules are set.

 

If we are positive and honest with our children about the importance of wearing a mask, they’ll do it. If we stress the importance of washing our hands and expressing our delight to see one another from a short distance away, kids will adapt.  How many times have we as parents set rules, only to break them and have our kids say “ Wait a minute!…You just told me…” I’ve said too much.  Better example, how many times have we as parents during quarantine had to ask our children to do something that went against their regular school routine or habits? I got read the riot act a couple of times. That’s why I am very confident that for the most part, kids will be able to listen to these new procedures and integrate them into this new way of life.

 

So, what happens if a child gets sick?  We know that it’s going to happen.  In this event,  we need to say this- it’s ok if you get sick.  People get sick.  I know that this sounds nuts given the circumstances, but, we have to raise resilient people and it very well may happen. But, we can face this adversity together when if and when it does. 

 

I think that this hits on the truly controversial underlying issue of school reopenings. You have people who are no holds barred for reopening and those who would rather drink bleach, for lack of a better term. That being said, school reopenings are an opportunity for all sides to come together for the sake of our community and our children. It should not be taken lightly and needs to be an in-depth, on going, flexible discussion. So, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.