I am a pediatrician who delights in children of all ages. I treat babies with care, chase after toddlers, laugh with school aged children and try my best to prepare them for impending adulthood. 

 

However, in these past two years, I have been seeing an uptick and frequency of a possible milestone that I wish never existed, teen pregnancy. I have handled this with as much grace as I have deemed possible, but it is a heart wrenching occurrence, nonetheless.

 

I have now begun to call myself a “Grand pediatrician “in many cases in the sense that I continue taking care of my teen patients and their babies simultaneously. I continue to care for the mothers because with having babies, they somewhat fall into a chasm between late adolescence and mid-adulthood, sent almost into another dimension. Consequently, I have honed my skills to hear them, see them, and also help to guide them through the end of “adolescence with a twist” with as much ease as possible.

 

Though I have taken this term to heart, I do not take it lightly.  I also don’t want it to happen again to another family. Here are some of the things that I want you to know to keep this from happening. 

 

Know and value your pediatrician.

Pediatricians are vital to supporting your child in all stages of the early years, and most particularly in adolescence. Please use us on your team. I look forward to speaking with parents about their child’s development, challenges that they may face socially, emotionally, and common steps in their development that they may experience. As pediatricians, we’re able to let you know what aspects may be normal and unique along the way.

 

 

Remember, your kids are going to become adults.

Ofttimes, I see glowing new parents who are excited about their new baby. This is what we want. But, many new parents seem perplexed at their children’s different stages, some resentful that these stages weren’t like they were in infancy. Parenting is hard. But, more importantly, your child’s development is essential to them becoming adults. When you hold your baby, battle with your toddler, play with your school age child, please keep in mind that the things that you are teaching them are to become- well adjusted, independent adults.

When they get to the teen years, they are changing into young adult bodies. This is normal. Your children already may have feelings about changing, as you may as well. But, as parents, it is up to us to give them the space to grow into themselves. This does not mean that discipline goes by the wayside. It simply means that you recognize that your adolescent is now being faced with more grown-up challenges or give your adolescent “mini challenges” that they may face as an adult. Have them take more responsibility and get by with grace. This is not easy on any level, but your child is still looking to you and at you, regardless of whether they are smiling at you or not. 

 

Give them the language to talk about their bodies early.

I always wince when I hear terms like “pocketbook”, “cookie”, “whoo-ha” to describe child’s private parts. This is because childhood and adolescence is different now. Words give children the power to communicate. Your child can’t fully describe or communicate with you or with me if they don’t know proper terms. More importantly, it may be more difficult for them to realize what is being talked about if and when they learn about sex.

Stop the shaming, provide a comfortable atmosphere to talk and have your kids talk to you.

If you don’t feel comfortable, find a designated responsible adult for them to talk to. You wouldn’t leave your child home alone while going on vacation without support so why have them go out in the world without knowing or teaching your children about stranger danger in a different way, online predators, and sex in general? If you don’t feel comfortable, ask your pediatrician for help with navigating. 

 

Let your adolescents speak for themselves during their doctor’s visits. This is the most important step in establishing healthy body autonomy. It is important for your kids to know that they have power over their bodies and to develop strong social/emotional development with everything else in between. When I see 20-year-olds coming to the office and their parents speaking for them through the whole visit, talking about their bodies and their needs, I am not necessarily thinking that this is a parenting success. 

 

Get your child in to see me before they become sexually active, not after. We begin giving the HPV vaccine at 11 years of age in our office and sometimes earlier based on the circumstances and guidelines. We do this to give the vaccine before a child is sexually active, not after. In this same regard, it is best to begin speaking about and having a plan about contraception before your child is sexually active. Currently, I get teens who decide that they are considering birth control while already well into their activity. This is still ok, but, they are largely not protected and taking great risks with their bodies and spiritual well being.

 

Be specific. Talk about the actual mechanics of sex to your child. I have spoken with parents and educators who describe the biological processes, (i.e fertilization, ovulation, and menstruation) … but they fail to address how pregnancy occurs. What goes in where? What happens to cause pregnancy? How long does it have to stay in there…  These are literally the most important topics to discuss in a child’s life in all respects. Being vague could cost them a lifetime of opportunities as it is essentially life changing just taking the time to talk about the mechanics. 

 

For better or worse, I have the opportunity of speaking with girls after they become pregnant. They give me blank looks lined with a foreboding regret when I ask them if they know terms like ejaculate and pre-ejaculate. I still don’t understand how there are such innovations in birth control, yet my patients often choose not to use it.

 

There is nothing more devastating than witnessing the aftermath of an unplanned pregnancy, for both parents and their children. It feels like what I imagine a bombed-out shell of a town must feel like after war. It is quiet and the room settles with confusion, anger, frustration, and sadness.  In time, it always gets better, but it makes no one’s job any easier. Please take care to make sure that it doesn’t happen to you in this way. Be informed, confront the unknown head on, speak with your kids and (of course) their doctor. 

 

Dr. Aisha Bailey is an award-winning pediatrician and owner of ASK Pediatrics in Tallahassee, FL.  She is an enthusiast blogger, cartoonist, and the CEO of Aisha &Co., maker of the highly acclaimed multi-cultural plush character line, ishababies.